Where to?
“What do you want to become when you grow up?”
A ubiquitous question faced by children, regardless of demography. Why isn’t the question ‘who’, instead of ‘what’? It’s simply because the latter question helps you find a snug fit into the existing puzzle i.e. the society, and the former leads you to create a new jigsaw puzzle altogether; the former defines you as an individual, and the latter defines you in respect to the society.
Either way, I only had one thought in my mind when my cousin, on our way to dinner four years ago, said that my friend’s dad couldn’t possibly have the job profile I mentioned. His justification was simple; It was just, “Too cool a job to have”. I was not one to consider this lightly, since it was coming from someone who drove a Mercedes in his early twenties. It was decided then. I wanted to become an ethical hacker! The ‘what’ part of the question was indubitably the focal point for my younger self, and I let it consume me.
Don’t get me wrong, I was always fascinated by technology. From the alien signals emitted by the dial-up internet to playing pinball — the most confusing computer game ever, I, as one of the remnants of the 90’s kids, have witnessed immense technological strides in my lifetime. I love using the end results of months, or possibly years of Research and Development, testing and prototyping, and I suppose I felt obliged to get behind the scenes and give back, hoping to virtually secure something that has always beguiled me. The obligation gave me conviction about my hasty, unspoken decision of wanting to become an ethical hacker.
Then again, I did have an inclination to a lot of activities! Apart from technology — the path I was about to take, I also had my sights set on swimming, badminton, writing stories, dancing-however disgracefully, and most of all, drawing. My proclivities were devoid of any clarity as to what I was to become in the near future.
This obscurity regarding what I would end up as, was decimated after the conversation with my cousin, or so I thought. When the time came for me to pursue higher education, I found myself waging a last minute battle against myself, contemplating the consequences of my impending decision. Eventually, in order to gain a concrete basement for my hopeful career in cyber security, I ended up enrolling for Engineering; the respectful professional degree that would enable an individual to construct meaningful solutions to real world problems in their respective fields of study. Well, that’s the definition I was hoping to be true. However, the skills acquired during the course of my study, did little towards my end goal of wanting to become an ethical hacker.
When this realisation hit me, it hit me hard.
Even after venturing out on my own on the internet, figuring out how and where to learn ethical hacking, a.k.a white hat hacking, without much academic support from the prescribed curriculum of my undergraduate study, I found myself not conforming to even the basic requisites of an ethical hacker, or an aspiring one at that. It dawned on me after a while that my efforts in pursuing this career, were in vain; a career for which I had little passion and lacklustre talent. That was the crucial revelation; one from my heart to my brain.
Following this second wave of realisation, I picked up on the hints and started focussing on the ‘who’ instead of ‘what’ in the question variant— “who do you want to become when you grow up?”.
I felt like a ‘.exe’ file in a MacBook - misfit and lost. I didn’t know what to do. I was the jack of some trades, master of a few and a mere pawn in the rest. My career path, just like many others I presume, was a vile mixture of doubts and dilemma, because I didn’t identify my destination, or rather, I was lost midway. I didn’t know what I liked or what I was good at.
Some have got it easy and then there are people like me. Life has no rule book. There is no one way to reach a place; no fixed formula. Different people give you different perspectives based on their experience in taking a particular path. My suggestion would be to work on your ‘who’ before you move onto your ‘what’, because your ‘who’ will inevitably lead you to your ‘what’.
There is no reason to panic; this pre-mid life crisis befalls upon everyone, and there is a workaround to it.
Finding a mentor amidst this confusion, should be the first priority, because not everyone can to set themselves straight. Explore your options, and grab every opportunity you get to do anything sensible. Be kind and compassionate to fellow humans. They’re not all bad. Read, travel, gain exposure. Live your life and you’re bound to find something you love along the way. Once you have identified it, cling onto it as if your life depends on it, because it does! Learn more about it, hone your repertoire in that field. Work on it until it doesn’t seem like work anymore!
Take a break. Figure out what you want to do, what you’re good at, and then move on. I’m in the process of doing that, except that I’m in no position to take a break.
My conscience is divided between choosing a path between passion and survival, and just as the contradictory term, ’ethical hacker’ has a symphonic ring to it, I plan on finding a means of survival through passion.
